*warning: this is going to be a lengthy entry about me missing dear...and i guess, subsequent entries will be all about him until he's back 113days later.

today is the day i don't look forward to...dear dear's start of his 113 days trip away. SOB~ last night, although i was super duper tired, i still woke up at 5am in the morning to prepare dear's stuff and when there's still time, i just stared blankly at him sleeping...how i wish he doesn't need to go... =(

left for his camp early this morning and reached by 7.30am. although i was smiling all the while, i know my heart is tearing badly...but, i don't want to embarrass dear dear by crying. so i tried swallowing my saliva each time i know my tears are coming out. at that point of time when dear's mummy cried when dear receive his singapore flag, i also had the urge to cry...but so many people...need to endure...everything went smoothly without me crying, until...........dear dear's LAST hug to me before he board the ship...........SOB SOB SOB~ i stole a few moments to tear alittle...i just didn't want to let go of him lar...but of cause, he had to go...so i said my 'good-bye' to him and gave him a little peck on his lips and i stared at his back view as he boarded his ship... =( super reluctant...

when his ship slip off, that's the worse part....i don't know how many times i swallowed my saliva to prevent my tears from falling which his friends predicted i will... =S i hate to see such scenarios lor...why must they make it so big and make the whole leaving process so long....sob...make me so sad...and stupid dj don't know how to play livelier songs mehz??? play those sad sad songs... =( only contribute to my heavy heart nia...i can tell you, my chest hurts with all those controlling...i just want to cry out loud...

after dear left, i went out with our friends for lunch and out shopping. thanks guys for accompanying me...had fun and it sure took my mind off dear's departure for awhile...but whenever i'm alone, i just can't help but think of dear again. sob~ was crying in my heart but smiling on the outside...bitter feeling...

just when i was in the noisiest place cum a low batt, i received dear's phone call!!!!! i was so damn happy larz!!! all smiles~ but also, i nearly burst into tears as well....i wanted to tell dear how much i miss him although it's like a few hours of separation for now nia...but the place and time didn't allow me to talk to him much, i think the call lasted for only a minute plus and dear says he has got to go and will call me again when the phone is available. sob~ dear dear....i want to hear your voice again....can call me everyday???? sob~ i know it's kinda hard or maybe impossible to call me everyday lar...but try k? no matter what time or where i am, i'll definitely pick up your call...muack~

after the call, definitely my spirits lifted alittle. =) but it got duller and duller when night falls when i'm all alone....as it's too late plus i'm very tired, i decided to stay at dear's place tonight and go home tomorrow morning...and the moment i stepped into dear's house, i just burst out crying...and till now, i'm still tearing, wetting dear's pillow with my tears..SOB~ i hope i'll get use to dear's temporary absence soon....else, i think by then dear is back, i'll be wearing thicker specs with all those crying going on.... =(

*dear dear...if you're reading this, please check your hotmail everyday k? i'll drop you emails...